Sunday, February 12, 2012


In the last couple of days i have noticed that i am stuck in a mind set....I feel as though i am traped in a mold that everyone expects me to be curtain way.....I want to be able to brake that mold and show who i am and what i want to be however i lack the self confidance to do it. I have been thinking and running around an idea that scares me but at the same time pushes me to make changes. Do any of you sit and think what will be of me once i lose the weight. In a dream world i would expect that once i lose the weight i will be confortable with myself and i will be more joyful and full of life. However, what if once i lose the weight i continue to be unconfident stuck in the mold i have build around my self. The mold that dictates who i am and i get scared i will always be in this mold.

So what came to mind the other day was what if i start changing things slowely along with the weight loss. I want to get rid of any drama in my life and negetive people who either put me down or dont add to my life. I know and i am realistic about the process i know confidence cant be found over night and im not expecting that but i need to be more confident and have a voice. I have always been a follower, with everything. For example if we go out to eat and you ask what do you want to order (lets say in a group) i will go with whatever the majority chooses and i dont ever speak up for what i want. In my relationship i have noticed i let him( the boyfriend) treat me as he wishes and i keep my mouth shut even when i dont think its right. I am starting to build courage to speak up and let people know what I want what I think and what I need.

basically i am giving myself two challenges and i hope i can accomplish them both. First is to lose the weight, I have noticed that my dedication to accomplish this goal has diminished to the point were if i do good im happy but when i mess up i just let it be and act like i dont care. However in order to accomplish this goal i have to get my head in the game and put my butt back in gear to make sure i do what is needed in order to set my self for success. Part of making sure im back on track is to make sure i include and make going to the gym equaly as important as my eating. So far i have been focusing on making sure i am eating right but i tend to set workout aside and even though it has been working i have noticed that as i lose the weight im still seeing my stomach hang and its because i have no core muscle let alone any muscle and i need to work on that. The second challenge like i just mentioned is to work on my voice and get myself to step out of the mold and not be afraid to look like a full because i want to be happy and enjoy every moment of my life and never look back and regret of wish i had done things differently. I want to look back and be happy i took the right decision to change my life.

hopeing things workout and wishing myself the best of luck.

Love you all


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